The Freedom Cards Project

I recently received an unexpected invitation to participate in Alex Robson's Freedom Card Project. It seems that this hopeful young man has been soliciting and collecting responses from people all over the world, many of them quite notable, to the question: What does freedom mean to you? I admire his courage to reach out to prisoners on death row and include them in his project (which is registered non-profit, btw). And, I have humbly submitted the following response:

To: Nominal

I continue to "talk" even though so many "hate" me precisely because they do (hate me). Actually, I realize as I have said before in this blog that they really only hate themselves (i.e. "all hate is self-hate"). So I want to help them; but, not THEM, myself! Their hate is also my hate. No one hates in a vacuum, nor do we hate outside of ourselves. We do however project our hate outward. And in this vain attempt to escape our suffering we end up bringing even more suffering upon ourselves if through the world we live in.

And this "talking" I do is not only for those who hate me. It is for everyone, including (and especially) myself! When I go back and re-read some of the things I have written here I often feel as though I am reading something that someone else has written with me in mind. I learn, and I grow; and I remember! Enlightenment is, after all, an act of remembering (and becoming) who we already are, nothing more (or less).

So to the families of the victims, including my own family (and friends), and to EVERYONE, I would say the same: Listen, remember, and become. That's all this blog has ever been about. That's all life itself is about. There is no "us" and "them". There are no "victims" and "monsters". There is only One Being "talking" eternally with itself, and forever trying to remember what is already known. This is the message of The Fifth Nail, and it is for everyone, perhaps especially the ones who "hate" me, and the ones I once hated myself, my so-called "victims", who are really just projections of my own pain and suffering that I now wish only that I could embrace and thereby bring back into myself where everything belongs; everything, and everyone.

[J.D. May 21, 2019]

To: Spinner1980

When I read comments like this it only reminds me of how limited and shallow most people's perspectives are. They only see as far as is necessary in order to form an opinion, and then no further. In this case, "Spinner1980" has failed to see beyond the hype of the immediate "victim", and thus cannot grasp the deeper concepts which I have attempted to discuss throughout this blog that are only too painfully real and obvious for someone who can see without the need to judge and condemn that which they fear to comprehend. They are afraid to see within themselves the very thing they condemn in others.

My crimes were not "sexually motivated". Nor were they "cold-blooded" (unemotional) and "senseless" (without cause), as those who need to justify their delusion of "authority" would have us believe. My crimes WOULD be these things if they were directed senselessly, cold-bloodily, and sexually toward the children I attacked. But, of course, the children were only the means, not the end.

My crimes were directed at the perceived source of my "powerlessness", which for me at the time was society in general. Society locked me up when I was a kid (16 years old) for more than half my life (over 17 years) because I acted out of confusion that society itself was directly responsible for (by sending so many hypocritically mixed messages regarding appropriate sexual behavior and identity with limited and restricted means of resolution that were never made available to me). So I lashed back out against society in the exact same way it lashed out against me in order to "send a message" (i.e. indirectly "punish") those who had hurt me.

In my case, the "message" was meant for everyone who ever judged and condemned "sex offenders": And the message was, "I am here, and you can't do anything about it!" (e.g.) The children I attacked were simply the ripest medium for sending my message, which is what made them so "sexually appealing" to me (i.e. "sexual motivation" is based on deeply emotional needs, as every psychological study will tell you, though the government - i.e. those who need you to feel that you need their "protection" and thus their "authority" doesn't want you to know).

The key to understanding what I'm saying here is the realization that no one acts according to what they THINK. We all act according to our perceived emotional "needs". So there are no government officials sitting in some office somewhere figuring out how to deceive the public into giving them power and control, or "authority". Instead, there are people, just like you and me, who "FEEL" that it is necessary for them to do what they do. They "feel" the need to "protect innocent people" for deeply emotional reasons. And, they "feel" the need for "authority" in order to fulfill these "needs". Thus, they "feel" threatened and offended by anything or anyone who defies their "authority", and so they act in ways intended to protect it, sometimes consciously, but mostly without thinking about the real reasons they act at all.

And so I too acted out of a deeply emotional "need" to "attack innocent children" in direct response to those who sought (and continue to seek) "authority" so they can take power and control away from people like me. This is the "vicious cycle of violence" that this blog tries to illustrate, and that lead me to act the way I did. I "woke up" though, and realized in the midst of my "crimes" that what I was doing was no different than what had been done to me! This realization made me stop, and literally turn myself in (as the record shows). This blog is written in part out of the personal hope that it might some day inspire someone else to stop, and realize why they do what they do. It is not because of what we think, and what others have done to us. It is because or what we feel, and what we do to ourselves.

This is the oldest "message" and "wisdom" of all. It is the truth, which can only be seen without judgment. It can only be understood when we stop blaming others and even ourselves for what we do, our actions, and our "crimes". It can only be "heard" when we "listen" without thought, without ego, and without need or desire. Only then will we understand as I understood, if only for a moment, that we are all connected, we are all one and the same. No one is to blame, and there are no heroes, or monsters, only us.

[J.D. April 11, 2019]

To: Elaine Hamarsheh

I think this question is a good example of Christian hypocrisy. It judges me to be a "monster", then assumes I must change in order to be a "loving soul". The irony is that if "E.H." actually read the Bible (which she implies in her comment that I haven't), then she might know that Jesus himself was judged by the religious hypocrites of his day (the pharisees) to be a "monster" (so to speak) as well. Jesus was convicted of the most foul and despicable crime imaginable in those times, the crime of violently violating the most "innocent of innocents", Yahweh Himself! Child rape and murder was not nearly as offensive or even criminal according to their laws and social customs. Thus, like me, Jesus was condemned by his culture, which sought to judge him as a "monster" rather than perceive him for what he was: a loving human being.

I'm not claiming that was I did was not monstrous, it was. So was what Jesus did, because that's what it means to be human! So, would I return to my monstrous ways? Or would I renounce my humanness and convert to the hypocritical ways of the Christian? Well, let me see... there's no question I would remain a "monster" in the eyes of people like "E.H.", that's fairly certain. But, I'm equally certain that I would not rape and kill any more children, only because it no longer seems necessary to me. That was the reason I stopped killing, after all, and turned myself in.

To: "Jeffrey Dahmer"

This blog is not written for people who judge. It is written for people who can see without judgment, because that is the only way the truth can be seen. I realize that unfortunately the vast majority of people in the present world cannot see without judging, and that is one of the reasons why this blog is not promoted, commercialized, or otherwise makes any attempt at drawing attention to itself. It exists primarily for the benefit of those few who can see without judgment, and for the many who I believe someday will see and understand more than any of us presently can.

  [J.D. March 2, 2019]

Entry Dismissing Petition

Petition For Writ of Habeas Corpus