Sunday, June 24, 2012

To: Whom it may concern

I have been very stubborn about not appealing my death sentence. My belief is that if I appeal, then I am acknowledging the system's authority to commit murder. I also believe that by appealing I would be demonstrating resistance to the will of those people who want me dead. I believe that such resistance will only support their delusion of power, by letting them believe that they are taking something that I value away by force. I have expounded on these and other reasons for not appealing my death sentences in the past, and all these reasons center around one basic desire; that we should grow and understand each other as a species of people. But I have an even more fundamental belief that trumps all my other beliefs, no matter how strongly I feel about them. I believe above all else, that it is detrimental for me to impose what I believe onto other people. I believe that I should walk as softly as possible in this world, and even crawl on my hands and knees if necessary, to leave as little of an impression as humanly possible. I realize this is an audacious belief coming from someone who's past behavior has left so many scaring impressions on countless hearts. And I do not pretend that by being hyper-vigilant now that I will somehow make up for any of the damage I have wrought. My reason for being submissive now, is born purely out of (newfound) understanding that anything else would be foolishness. By rejecting the advice (to appeal) of the attorneys who have been appointed to represent me, I am in effect imposing my beliefs on my own mother, whom I love, and who will suffer gravely if I simply allow the people to kill me (especially after having already lost her youngest son recently to a sudden and unexpected massive heart failure). It would be utterly cruel, and indeed, inhuman, for me not to consider my mother's love when deciding what to do in regard to my own life. I am her only surviving son, and through no fault of my own, her very dearly cherished first born son. So I hereby inform you, and any others concerned, that I withdraw my waiver of appeal, and consent fully to all efforts and advice given by my attorneys to appeal. I love my mother, and if I could only regret one thing, it would be how I have hurt her. I am the biggest fool that I know, but I am as blessed as many man can be, because I have a mom who loves me no matter what! Most sincerely, Joseph E. Duncan III Signed this 8th day of December, 2010 (Note: Since writing the above I have come to question the words I chose, but not the decision. At the time I felt I needed to write something more than simply, "I consent to the appeal", in order to convince the judge that my decision was sound and based on reason. And since it was a visit from my mother that seemed to sway my choice, I expounded on my feelings for her. Perhaps I just wanted to let her know that she was still an important part of the decisions I make in my life. Yes, I love my mother, and yes, she was an important part of my decision to withdraw the waiver. But, she always has been, even when I decided to waive the appeal in the first place. There was no one thing, or any other clearly definable reason that I decided to withdraw the waiver. Nor was there ever really a clear reason for me to waive the appeal in the first place. I simply "felt" it was the right thing to do. And when I later withdrew the waiver it was also something I "felt" I had to do. I had no idea that I would end up withdrawing the waiver until the moment the decision came. When it did come I recognized it as a decision made from beyond reason - or rather, for reasons beyond my conscious capacity. It was this kind of decision (beyond reason) that compelled me to bring Shasta home and turn myself in back in 2005. I have since come to believe that these kinds of decisions have been compelling me all my life, though I've spent most of my life foolishly ignoring them and trusting in my own limited ability to reason instead. So, the truth is, I don't really know why I decided suddenly to withdraw the waiver of appeal. I was just following my heart, and my mother just happened to be the closest one there. Go figure...)