Dear Christian

May 13, 2014

Hi, I got your letter last week and have been giving a lot of thought as to whether or not we should write each other. My primary concern is that I will end up offending you, maybe even hurting your feelings, at some point – never by intention, but merely because my views stand in such stark contrast to your beliefs. If I am honest with you then I would not have many nice things to say, and being dishonest is offense to me (and for me).

So, I must be honest and up front now, before one of us gets more hurt or offended later: I don’t think we should correspond at all. I won’t go into all the reasons why I have come to this understanding; that itself could be offensive. But, I will say that the Christian tracts you had sent to me were a clear indication that you have no intention of communicating, but are only interested in the typical one way exchange commonly called preaching. I don’t advocate or condone (and avoid practicing at all cost) preaching in any form. I admit, I preached in the past, that is what my crimes were all about; trying to tell the world how I saw it without considering other people’s viewpoints.

But now I focus on other people’s views – they have become very important to me since I realized that none of my experiences in this life were about me at all – they were about us, and without us, there is no me. But I cannot get to know a person’s views (nobody can) unless that person is able to share their view in an open two-way communicative form. And while you have responded on the surface to my past letters, the tracts you sent, and the things you have said in your letters since, are clearly lacking any effort (or perhaps even lacking ability) to communicate in two directions. So we should not write – as in my view it would only result in miscommunication (as I am sure even this letter will fail to be understood, as you will no doubt only “hear” what you are able or willing to hear, and not what I am really even saying).

So, please do not respond, unless you want to offer a confirmation of this letter (which should be polite), or, unless you think I am sorely mistaken; which I may well be, and am willing to admit, if I see any evidence at all that indicates I am. I do not want to shun you as a possible friend, so if you think I am wrong, then please tell me why, and I will keep my heart open for deeper understanding.

But, if you still think that I am a horrible sinner (i.e. monster) that “needs to be saved” then please don’t bother trying to be my friend – I’ve found my savior many years ago, and He doesn’t live in (or speak through) any book, or even my mind (or imagination) – but he lives in (and speaks through) my heart, as he is doing now if you could only hear.

Good luck to you, and take care,

Sincerely yours,

Jet

To: Ms. Bayless, SCU Unit Manager

   The following is an electronic “Request to Staff” that I sent to the SCU CUS (Special Confinement Unit, a.k.a. “death row”, Custody Unit Supervisor):

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To: Ms. Bayless, SCU Unit Manager

Re: TRULINCS Electronic Messaging restriction reasons

Ms. Bayless, I received a notice from you last year, dated March 22, 2013, informing me of the reasons I have been restricted from using the TRULINCS (Electronic Messaging) program for prisoner. The reason given in this notice was as follows:

“A review of your personal history, prior offense conduct and convictions has been completed. Based on this review, it has been deemed that your history of behavior could jeopardize legitimate penological interests. Therefore, you have been precluded from TRULINCS program participation.”

This “reason” does not give the specific past behavior(s) in my case that “could jeopardize legitimate penological interests”, as required by the BOP policy concerning TRULINCS Restrictions. Program Statement No. p5265. 13, Section 3, states explicitly, “Inmates excluded from program participation under this section are not notified on the specific reason(s)…” and (in sub section a.) “An inmate’s exclusion from program participation must be based on his/her individual history of behavior […] inmates generally classified with a Public Safety Factor – Sex Offender, are not automatically excluded from participation, as their personal history may not have involved the specific examples cited above.”

The examples cited were, “soliciting minors for sexual activity, or possession/distribution of child pornography through the Internet or other means, […] an inmate with special skill or knowledge of using computers/e-mail/Internet or other communication methods as a conduit for committing illegal activities.”

My case history does not reflect any of these specific behaviors. So, if there is some other specific past behavior that I am being restricted from using the TRULINCS messaging program for then I would like to be duly informed so that I might initiate a challenge if appropriate.

Thank you

J. Duncan, USP 12561023

SCU C-416

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To which she eventually replied:

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FROM: USP SCU Unit

TO: 12561023

SUBJECT: RE: ***Inmate to Staff Message***

DATE: 03/12/2014 01:52:02 PM

Mr. Duncan,

The information in the memo was the specifics, i.e. personal history, offense conduct, etc. Due to those specifics, you were deemed inappropriate for program participation. Your personal history indicates that you have knowledge of computers, as you ran a website. In regards to your offense conduct, in multiple instances you have orally persuaded and/or forced minors into engaging in sexual activity. Additionally, it indicated that in some instances you videotaped these acts.

--M. Bayless

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I sent the following message:

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FROM: 12561023

TO: USP SCU Unit

SUBJECT: ***Request to Staff*** DUNCAN, JOSEPH, Reg# 12561023, THP-X-A

DATE: 03/17/2014 05:45:08 PM

To: Ms. Bayless, SCU Unit Manager

Inmate Work Assignment: None

Ms. Bayless,

Thank you for replying to my previous request concerning your decision to rest me from using the TRULINCS electronic messaging program for prisoners. However, I feel there is some misunderstanding regarding your interpretation of the BOP policy that governs such restrictions (i.e. PS No. p.5265. 13 Section 3). So, I intend to file a formal resolution and would like to first give you this opportunity to resolve my concerns.

It seems to me that someone in the BOP legal department carefully worded this policy in order to perhaps avoid future libel actions against the bureau (i.e., to prevent the restriction policy from being used to arbitrarily punish sex offenders for example). I can’t imagine any other reason they would be so explicitly about what constitutes “legitimate penological interests” with regard to restricting prisoners from access to the Internet, even if that access is indirect, as with the TRULINCS program.

As I have already pointed out in my previous “Request to Staff”, the policy gives several examples of specific reasons for denying prisoners access to the program. Every example given involves past behavior of illicit use of the Internet.

None of the reasons you gave in your response to my last request involves illicit Internet use of any sort.

Specifically you say, I am “inappropriate for program anticipation” because I have “knowledge of computers”. The program statement says a reason for restriction is not just “knowledge of computers”, but “knowledge of using computers/e-mail/Internet or other communication methods as a conduit for committing illegal activities.” I have no such knowledge since I have never used computers or the Internet in any way to break the law, which my criminal record confirms.

You also assert that I videotaped minors (engaged in sex), which I did. But I never uploaded the videos to the web, e-mailed them, or transmitted them in any fashion. In fact, the only illicit videos found when I was arrested had been deleted shorty after they were made and had to be forensically recovered.

The FBI and several other law enforcement agencies thoroughly investigated whether or not I had any files on my computers of child pornography downloaded from the Internet and they consistently found none, as they repeatedly testified in court and in their affidavits (which I can and will produce if needed).

Also you claim that I “orally persuaded and/or forced minors into engaging in sexual activity.” Yes, I used force, but I have never used oral persuasion, or any means that would be considered by any court “solicitation”, much less done so through the Internet or any other means.

The bottom line is that I have never used the Internet for illegal of illicit activities and my criminal record and personal history reflect this claim. The policy clearly indicates that sex offenders should not be restricted merely because they committed sex crimes. The reason for restriction should invlve some form of Internet abuse, not sex abuse or child abuse (unless the Internet was used to do so).

I hope you will review your decision in light of this information and reconsider. Either way, I thank you for taking the time to consider my concerns.

Sincerely,

Joseph E. Duncan III

12561-023

SCU, C-416

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This time she replied quickly and told me I could appeal if I wanted, that was all.

Draft Allocution

Joseph E. Duncan III v. U.S. Case No. CR-07-23-N-EJL

I wrote the following draft of an allocution for the Federal death sentence hearing against me in 2008. I did not finish it because I eventually decided that no allocution would be better. (An allocution is a formal statement made to the court right before a sentence is pronounced. It is usually a chance for the defendant to express remorse, or beg for mercy, or both. I decided that neither was appropriate.)


I am not sorry for what I have done. My only crime is being a human being. And as proof, I offer the very verdict sustained by this court... a verdict to kill, derived from the same human compulsion to judge and to condemn that caused me to return the same verdict against society three years ago. I did not kill for sexual gratification... I killed for revenge, or should I say, "for justice", since that is the term that the system prefers to use when it does the same thing.

I am not sorry, but that does not mean I feel no remorse. I have been asked several times, "How could you be so caring and compassionate on the one hand, and then so cold and calculating on the other?" It amazes me when the very people asking me this question are the same ones participating in murdering me. I should ask, "How can you be so cold and calculating and not even see that you are doing the same thing that I did?" But I don't need to ask, because I already know.

So, let me tell you how: Because I was afraid; because I thought I was alone in this world; because I was ignorant of the Truth; because I was human. If you cannot see yourself in what I have done, then you are as blind as I once was. If you cannot admit your part in Dylan's death, then it is not just me who you are condemning to die... but countless more innocent children, by the hateful consequences of your own fear and ignorance.

I have chosen not to defend myself against your insanity for the same reason that Shasta chose not to defend herself against mine. Because I can see it for what it is. Through her eyes, I can see that you too are only human, afraid, alone and ignorant of the Truth.

The Bible tells us that once the Truth is known it is no longer possible to defy it, no longer possible to sin. I stand before you as a witness to this Amazing Law. Having seen the Truth I can no longer behave contrary to it. I had to bring Shasta home, I had to surrender to the authorities of this world, and I had to refuse to defend myself, because nothing else made any sense in the light of the Truth.

It was because of my fear that I did what I did. The same fear that you now so ignorantly wish to propagate in the blind belief that somehow by making people afraid they will bow down to your law. It was this belief that drove me to kill and drives you now to do the same. It is the fundamental principle of a Satanic church, power through fear and ignorance. What I did was the inevitable result of a system that operates according to such beliefs.

We are not given the authority to judge each other, nor even to judge ourselves. Only a deceived person subscribes to such false authority. So it is okay by me if you wish to continue in your little delusion of justice. The human body is a mere toy by comparison to the Body that the Truth has promised for us. So go ahead, and deceive yourself, but you will no longer deceive me. I have seen the One Truth, the True Authority, and it is the only authority that I will ever acknowledge again.

If you call yourself a Christian and yet mock my words, then you should read 1st Corinthians 4:3-4, where St. Paul says the same thing that I am telling you now to the Christians who mocked him then.

Though I do not call myself a Christian, I believe with all my heart that I have seen the same Truth that Jesus speaks of and that the Saints and the Prophets wrote about in the Scriptures (and Surrahs, and the Sutras). It is the One Eternal Truth, and nothing you do will ever cause me to lose sight of it again. So nothing you do causes me any real concern.

I have remained essentially silent until now and yet the media has insisted that I have said things that never left these lips, nor ever would. The media insists that I wish to die, claiming even that I said, "I deserve to die." Well hear the truth now; no one deserves to die... no one, for any reason ever deserves to die. No on in this world has the authority to make such a determination. No person, and no government, and no religious organization has that authority. There is only one Authority to judge, and that is the Truth itself. And the Truth does not judge by human standards, nor does it judge with human logic. The Truth judges according to its own perfect knowledge and wisdom, a knowledge and wisdom that it offers to us freely, if we only have the courage to accept it, and the humility to realize it does not belong to us, and the respect to treat it accordingly.

This is the same courage, and humility, and respect that only an innocent can have. It was through the eyes of an innocent that I first witnessed it. And my prayer now is for the world to soon see the same Truth through those same eyes. Not mine, but Shasta's. She forgave me, no matter how hard I tried to make her fear me and to hate me, to drive her away from her innocent and honest view of the world. She clung to the Truth; she clung to her innocence, because as a child it was the only Authority in her experience that she knew and trusted. She had the courage to cling to the Truth and her innocence even in the face of death, and because of that she now lives. But even if she had died, if I had killed her, it would have been my eternal loss, not hers, just as the deaths of the other children I killed - all seven of them - were my eternal losses, not theirs.

And now my death, at your hands, will be your eternal loss, not mine. This is how True Justice works; it is how it must work. No person has the authority to destroy anything but that which has been given to them. And we are each given only one precious and real gift; that is the gift of eternal life, which is the gift of Truth; and the gift of innocence. And it is this gift that we so ignorantly squander, though it can never be taken by force from anyone. So we take it instead by spreading fear and hatred to get others to squander theirs in a desperate attempt to not feel so lost and alone. This is why I said I should thank the government for helping me to spread the fear and hatred that i initially set out to spread. My goal was not to rape a child, but to rape society, and I knew all too well that the government would be eager to help me, because it too feeds on our fear and our ignorance. But I cannot thank the government for doing what I now know to be insane, what I see now through innocent eyes to be the true heinousness of my crimes.

So, my prayer is for you, and for the innocent children you are so ready to ignorantly sacrifice in the name of your false god of justice. I have been to that altar, and the god there is merciless, and full of empty promises. My prayer is that you will awaken soon, to the One Truth, not even my Truth, but your own.

Without forgiveness there is only insanity.

To: Whom it may concern

I have been very stubborn about not appealing my death sentence. My belief is that if I appeal, then I am acknowledging the system's authority to commit murder. I also believe that by appealing I would be demonstrating resistance to the will of those people who want me dead. I believe that such resistance will only support their delusion of power, by letting them believe that they are taking something that I value away by force. I have expounded on these and other reasons for not appealing my death sentences in the past, and all these reasons center around one basic desire; that we should grow and understand each other as a species of people. But I have an even more fundamental belief that trumps all my other beliefs, no matter how strongly I feel about them. I believe above all else, that it is detrimental for me to impose what I believe onto other people. I believe that I should walk as softly as possible in this world, and even crawl on my hands and knees if necessary, to leave as little of an impression as humanly possible. I realize this is an audacious belief coming from someone who's past behavior has left so many scaring impressions on countless hearts. And I do not pretend that by being hyper-vigilant now that I will somehow make up for any of the damage I have wrought. My reason for being submissive now, is born purely out of (newfound) understanding that anything else would be foolishness. By rejecting the advice (to appeal) of the attorneys who have been appointed to represent me, I am in effect imposing my beliefs on my own mother, whom I love, and who will suffer gravely if I simply allow the people to kill me (especially after having already lost her youngest son recently to a sudden and unexpected massive heart failure). It would be utterly cruel, and indeed, inhuman, for me not to consider my mother's love when deciding what to do in regard to my own life. I am her only surviving son, and through no fault of my own, her very dearly cherished first born son. So I hereby inform you, and any others concerned, that I withdraw my waiver of appeal, and consent fully to all efforts and advice given by my attorneys to appeal. I love my mother, and if I could only regret one thing, it would be how I have hurt her. I am the biggest fool that I know, but I am as blessed as many man can be, because I have a mom who loves me no matter what! Most sincerely, Joseph E. Duncan III Signed this 8th day of December, 2010 (Note: Since writing the above I have come to question the words I chose, but not the decision. At the time I felt I needed to write something more than simply, "I consent to the appeal", in order to convince the judge that my decision was sound and based on reason. And since it was a visit from my mother that seemed to sway my choice, I expounded on my feelings for her. Perhaps I just wanted to let her know that she was still an important part of the decisions I make in my life. Yes, I love my mother, and yes, she was an important part of my decision to withdraw the waiver. But, she always has been, even when I decided to waive the appeal in the first place. There was no one thing, or any other clearly definable reason that I decided to withdraw the waiver. Nor was there ever really a clear reason for me to waive the appeal in the first place. I simply "felt" it was the right thing to do. And when I later withdrew the waiver it was also something I "felt" I had to do. I had no idea that I would end up withdrawing the waiver until the moment the decision came. When it did come I recognized it as a decision made from beyond reason - or rather, for reasons beyond my conscious capacity. It was this kind of decision (beyond reason) that compelled me to bring Shasta home and turn myself in back in 2005. I have since come to believe that these kinds of decisions have been compelling me all my life, though I've spent most of my life foolishly ignoring them and trusting in my own limited ability to reason instead. So, the truth is, I don't really know why I decided suddenly to withdraw the waiver of appeal. I was just following my heart, and my mother just happened to be the closest one there. Go figure...)

Let's Be Friends

The only thing that I want from you is your friendship. But if I have to be dishonest with you, by telling you things you want to hear, or by not telling you what you don't want to hear, then I cheapen you, and I cheapen our friendship. I would rather not have your friendship at all than have you as a cheap friend. Cheap friends are a dime a dozen, but a real friend is worth more than all the money in the world. A real friend is someone who listens, and opines honestly, but does not judge. A real friend might take offense, but would never deliberately offend. A real friend does not need to remember who their friends are, because being a real friend is as much a part of their nature as the color of their hair; it is something that one simply cannot forget, or, for that matter, even fail to be!

Dear Shasta

You probably think you remember me. But if you feel anger and resentment, or hatred when you remember me then you have forgotten, who you are. Do you remember what I told you as I was taking you home through the woods in Idaho? Do you remember when I put my hand on top of yours, and told you, “You might not think so now, but someday you will probably hate me because of what I did.” Do you remember the rest of what I said? The important part? The reason I touched your hand, even though at that point I felt I had no right to even speak to you, much less touch you. But I touched your hand because I wanted you to remember what I said. Do you remember? I said, “It's okay if you hate me. I'll understand”. And you, being the wise and honest soul that you were, remained silent. You did not try to deny that you would ever stop loving and forgiving me. And that's how I could tell your love and forgiveness then was genuine. You loved me as only an innocent can love. And you forgave me the same way. Do you remember now? I pray that you do, because the child you were then, is the child who will redeem this world someday.

To Muhammed

You were my friend. It is too bad that someone decided that they should “warn you” about my past and possible intentions. My only interest in you was exactly as I represented. If you consider our conversations you may recall that I never once attempted to probe your sexual preferences, or attempted to steer the discussion toward your sexual exploits. In fact, we never talked about sex at all, not even by implication, that I can remember. I enjoyed your company because of your unique and unusual experiences as a foriegner in America. Your youth and good looks never even occurred to me as a motive for knowing you. At least, not until the day you suddenly and without explaination, returned the laptop I had loaned to you for professor Slater's research project. When you did that it dawned on me that someone had told you about my past. And judging by the extremely uncharacteristic cold shoulder that I got from you when we met in the IACC for you to hand over the laptop, I could tell that they must have convinced you that my interest in you was not purely academic. That's too bad. They not only deprived you of the use of a laptop for school, but a genuine friend as well. I was seriously considering just letting you have the laptop, because I never used it anyway and did not need the money I could have gotten from selling it. I think about this incident with that laptop often. It was very typical of the kind of rejection I could expect for the rest of my life because of other people's fear and unwillingness to even attempt to understand. You gave me no chance to defend our friendship. You just dumped the laptop off and left, not even answering my inquiries as to your well being (at first I thought maybe you were in trouble for some reason, I could not otherwise understand why you were giving up a perfectly good computer). I can't help but sometimes wonder how your rejection of me effected me on the unconscious levels of my mind. The same levels that seem to determine my motives and drives toward anti-social behavior. I'm not trying to blame you for what I did later. I'm only trying to understand myself. In fact, I don't blame you at all. If I blamed anyone, I would blame the person who felt you needed to be “warned” about me. Or better yet, I would blame the social system that makes such “warnings” seem prudent. But, I don't blame anyone any more, not even Allah. You were my friend, and I only hope that you do not become so Americanized that you forget even what friends are for. If you let it, America will convince you that friendship is something that is to be bought and sold, just like any other commodity. I hope you will go back to Egypt before you let that happen.