Joseph E. Duncan III v. U.S. Case No. CR-07-23-N-EJL
I wrote the following draft of an allocution for the Federal death sentence hearing against me in 2008. I did not finish it because I eventually decided that no allocution would be better. (An allocution is a formal statement made to the court right before a sentence is pronounced. It is usually a chance for the defendant to express remorse, or beg for mercy, or both. I decided that neither was appropriate.)
I am not sorry for what I have done. My only crime is being a human being. And as proof, I offer the very verdict sustained by this court... a verdict to kill, derived from the same human compulsion to judge and to condemn that caused me to return the same verdict against society three years ago. I did not kill for sexual gratification... I killed for revenge, or should I say, "for justice", since that is the term that the system prefers to use when it does the same thing.
I am not sorry, but that does not mean I feel no remorse. I have been asked several times, "How could you be so caring and compassionate on the one hand, and then so cold and calculating on the other?" It amazes me when the very people asking me this question are the same ones participating in murdering me. I should ask, "How can you be so cold and calculating and not even see that you are doing the same thing that I did?" But I don't need to ask, because I already know.
So, let me tell you how: Because I was afraid; because I thought I was alone in this world; because I was ignorant of the Truth; because I was human. If you cannot see yourself in what I have done, then you are as blind as I once was. If you cannot admit your part in Dylan's death, then it is not just me who you are condemning to die... but countless more innocent children, by the hateful consequences of your own fear and ignorance.
I have chosen not to defend myself against your insanity for the same reason that Shasta chose not to defend herself against mine. Because I can see it for what it is. Through her eyes, I can see that you too are only human, afraid, alone and ignorant of the Truth.
The Bible tells us that once the Truth is known it is no longer possible to defy it, no longer possible to sin. I stand before you as a witness to this Amazing Law. Having seen the Truth I can no longer behave contrary to it. I had to bring Shasta home, I had to surrender to the authorities of this world, and I had to refuse to defend myself, because nothing else made any sense in the light of the Truth.
It was because of my fear that I did what I did. The same fear that you now so ignorantly wish to propagate in the blind belief that somehow by making people afraid they will bow down to your law. It was this belief that drove me to kill and drives you now to do the same. It is the fundamental principle of a Satanic church, power through fear and ignorance. What I did was the inevitable result of a system that operates according to such beliefs.
We are not given the authority to judge each other, nor even to judge ourselves. Only a deceived person subscribes to such false authority. So it is okay by me if you wish to continue in your little delusion of justice. The human body is a mere toy by comparison to the Body that the Truth has promised for us. So go ahead, and deceive yourself, but you will no longer deceive me. I have seen the One Truth, the True Authority, and it is the only authority that I will ever acknowledge again.
If you call yourself a Christian and yet mock my words, then you should read 1st Corinthians 4:3-4, where St. Paul says the same thing that I am telling you now to the Christians who mocked him then.
Though I do not call myself a Christian, I believe with all my heart that I have seen the same Truth that Jesus speaks of and that the Saints and the Prophets wrote about in the Scriptures (and Surrahs, and the Sutras). It is the One Eternal Truth, and nothing you do will ever cause me to lose sight of it again. So nothing you do causes me any real concern.
I have remained essentially silent until now and yet the media has insisted that I have said things that never left these lips, nor ever would. The media insists that I wish to die, claiming even that I said, "I deserve to die." Well hear the truth now; no one deserves to die... no one, for any reason ever deserves to die. No on in this world has the authority to make such a determination. No person, and no government, and no religious organization has that authority. There is only one Authority to judge, and that is the Truth itself. And the Truth does not judge by human standards, nor does it judge with human logic. The Truth judges according to its own perfect knowledge and wisdom, a knowledge and wisdom that it offers to us freely, if we only have the courage to accept it, and the humility to realize it does not belong to us, and the respect to treat it accordingly.
This is the same courage, and humility, and respect that only an innocent can have. It was through the eyes of an innocent that I first witnessed it. And my prayer now is for the world to soon see the same Truth through those same eyes. Not mine, but Shasta's. She forgave me, no matter how hard I tried to make her fear me and to hate me, to drive her away from her innocent and honest view of the world. She clung to the Truth; she clung to her innocence, because as a child it was the only Authority in her experience that she knew and trusted. She had the courage to cling to the Truth and her innocence even in the face of death, and because of that she now lives. But even if she had died, if I had killed her, it would have been my eternal loss, not hers, just as the deaths of the other children I killed - all seven of them - were my eternal losses, not theirs.
And now my death, at your hands, will be your eternal loss, not mine. This is how True Justice works; it is how it must work. No person has the authority to destroy anything but that which has been given to them. And we are each given only one precious and real gift; that is the gift of eternal life, which is the gift of Truth; and the gift of innocence. And it is this gift that we so ignorantly squander, though it can never be taken by force from anyone. So we take it instead by spreading fear and hatred to get others to squander theirs in a desperate attempt to not feel so lost and alone. This is why I said I should thank the government for helping me to spread the fear and hatred that i initially set out to spread. My goal was not to rape a child, but to rape society, and I knew all too well that the government would be eager to help me, because it too feeds on our fear and our ignorance. But I cannot thank the government for doing what I now know to be insane, what I see now through innocent eyes to be the true heinousness of my crimes.
So, my prayer is for you, and for the innocent children you are so ready to ignorantly sacrifice in the name of your false god of justice. I have been to that altar, and the god there is merciless, and full of empty promises. My prayer is that you will awaken soon, to the One Truth, not even my Truth, but your own.
Without forgiveness there is only insanity.
